One Apathetic Church...

This was today's revolution about myself...

I've learned that everything is temporary...and there's apathy on my part, at least I feel it in my heart. I just wonder why we put so much importance in the material part of things - no response is needed, this is one of my own internal battles. I'm not who I was, I'm not who I want to be, I'm in this big fat abyss and hate it. There are moments when the fog lifts and things begin making sense again, but there are just as many moments when I sit confused and questioning. You'd think that by now I'd figured it out, that's just part of life, get over it. So why am I still sitting here pondering it?

Why didn't I get it before? It's not as if life was easy and I didn't have to make major decisions, we all know I made enough of the wrong ones when it really mattered to know that isn't true. So why? All I can think is that God has allowed me to taste things I never imagined, taken me to heights I've only read about and has asked me to return to what I'd left, to be something different. I'm scared, I want to be back where I was and not in this foggy mess. I realize it's possible, because it's not about location, it's about far more. And once I figure that out, I'm on the way.