Is this really how it's supposed to be?

Monday is Eid ul-Fitr, which to Muslims is the equivalent of my Christmas - okay, no, it has none of the same meaning, but it is one of their biggest holidays. I'm learning what that means...and am sure I'll make all kinds of mistakes. You give money to nearly everyone you know, or at least their kids. The adults you give sweets and then there is usually some family or persons that you give something special to. It was because of this that I had to go out tonight to buy some sweets for someone that I will see tomorrow, but not on Sunday or Monday - when gifts are typically given.

It was dusk, well, nearly night and walking to find a rickshaw alone somehow felt...well, it's didn't feel right. And I had to walk a good distance before I found one. He asked a fair price (higher than the locals but lower than what I'd anticipated). It was a small rickshaw, not leaving me much room for my legs. And uncomfortably close to the driver - when the he sat on his seat, his back nearly touched my knees. It was humid and warm - walking I was starting to perspire, and in the sky were the bats that are as large as cats. [These still freak me out and I can't even begin to imagine what I would do if one ever got in my house!] It was at this moment I felt rather alone and out of sorts. I wondered what people must be thinking. Not so much because I was a foreigner in an area that doesn't do any tourist business, but because I was a female, out by myself in the evening. It was at this moment I wish I'd had a friend with me. Unfortunately, they were in their homes breaking their fast. Or one friend from the US was with her sick daughter and the other with three kids. All of the sudden I was feeling needy. And I wondered if this is how it is going to be. I used to thrive on going out alone in the US - I loved that freedom I had. I could drive across the Nevada dessert all the way to Seattle and not be rattled. I'd even been known to go hiking and camping alone (admittedly not the smartest idea - but I wasn't going to miss doing things I liked doing because of fear). But I find myself struggling more. As I came home 1/2 later, and it was completely dark out, I had moments where I was thankful that God was watching over me. We'd drive through areas that were dark and no one was out and I realized just how vulnerable I was with the rickshaw driver. I wondered, is this how it's going to be? Will I feel like this when I return to the US? Like a bird that's been stuck in a cage and released, it doesn't know how to fly?

I called the friend with the sick daughter and asked how she was doing. Now my friend is feeling sick too. Which reminded me, I'm not feeling so hot myself. Last night was the "Night of Power" among the Muslim faith (well, the actual night is disputed). Because they feel this is the night that one can be closest to God and that the angels come to see them, they stay up all night. I had committed to pray, but not necessarily stay up all night. However, I did ask God to wake me and remind me to pray. Well, about an hour into my sleep, He did just that. I woke with that acidic burning in my throat, like what you get from a bad burp. But it just kept coming. I took an antacid pill, I took a powdered mixture with water, I sucked on a candy and finally, I propped myself up on a pillow and prayed more. I can't tell you how long this went on, but into the night. Every once in a while I'd doze off. I woke up not feeling so hot, having a headache and my stomach was still sour. My friend said maybe it was not feeling well that was really making me feel this way. Hmmm, I think she might be onto something. I'm sure it is influencing me, but I also think things are changing in me.