Ah, the joys of being a woman

I often find myself getting so frustrated by the restrictions placed on women and trying to figure out how I fit in here. To be honest with you, right now I'm tired of being on my own. And the sadness of not even having a roommate is feeling heavy on my heart right now! (So you know how to pray!) We just had a wonderful retreat and I see the Perryman's doing their thing, the Hershey's theirs and even Anna and Jess have created a bond that is tight and leaves me wanting the same thing. As much as I enjoy my Indian friends - their lives are different and we don't communicate at a heart level. Will we ever? I doubt it, as our life experiences are different and they are so much more compliant and accepting of the way things are. I just don't know. I do know that the journey getting there is painful.

It probably doesn't help that it's the holiday season and I'm missing my family and friends. The kids (Perryman family) are all gone this week, so my days feel a little emptier too. Which is probably a good thing because I have to much to accomplish.

My phone has died...sorta. I get incoming calls and beeps that there are messages, but I can't answer it or retrieve them. I tried buying a phone yesterday as I paid my bill but found the process a little overwhelming. There was no bank on the way, I didn't know where one was on that side of town. When I went to the store I bought my current one at, they were no longer selling them. Today I will venture back out. It's amazing how such a small task can take up so much time and energy.

I was chatting with a friend last night and I realized that this is probably more of a spiritual attack. Like a bunch of small, fiery darts that just wear on me. I'm far from being down for the count and most days I can pretend all is good. But in a rare moment, I let myself admit that it's not all that I hoped it would be. As I went to bed last night, tears welled up in my eyes. As I talked to God, I shared and knew that my pain was His. But then I thought of all that is wrong in the world and realized His pain is so much greater than mine. And that's why I'm here. If Jesus could sacrifice His life on the cross, why can't I sacrifice mine in some small ways. Look at how long He was separated from His home. And in all honesty - where is my home? It's not here on this earth anywhere! What I know and all that's familiar is. But aren't I longing for something more? Of course I am! It doesn't mean my present suffering isn't real, but it is my flesh and not really my spirit that suffers. And so, I go to sleep, resting in his arms, with my phone occasionally beeping in the background.

Here are a few photos from the retreat (and a couple links to see more) as well as a video. Let me explain the video. :) Dan separated us into teams - dividing all those who live together (which really didn't effect me at all). We were given six envelopes, four that were numbered 1-4, and had to be done in that order; two we could insert whenever we wanted. The message inside one envelope read something along the lines of finding 3 Indians and record them singing an 80's song. Well, I love the 80's, but we all struggled with coming up with a song we knew enough words and the tune to, until Anna said "Shout" by Tears for Fears. Easy enough, but then to find the three Indians. We decided to check out the front desk, but Ruthy was a little concerned with the guy in the suit. As I looked at their faces, I could tell they were a good natured group of people, besides, most Indians love to be filmed. They accepted and what you see is the end result.



















To see more pictures of the camp or the tiger safari we went on (which, by the way, had no tigers) click on the underlined words.